Secret Heart
by Tashi110
Summary: Jane and Maura meet in a moment of true serendipity and they begin to fall in love. But Maura is married and her husband is not the most agreeable man. What will happen when he is pushed to the edge and tries to pull her over with him? Can Jane remain the detective that she has always been or will the weight of potentially losing her love be far too much?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Maura Isles was in her bed, her head resting on her pillow and her legs intertwined with the man sleeping beside her. But she was far from content. His rough skin rubbed against her and only had her longing for the smooth, olive skinned caresses that she had recently become accustomed to. There was an ache inside her to run her fingers through tangled, dark curls and taste the lips of her detective. It was three in the morning and she knew that the only way she was going to get any sleep tonight was if she got out of this bed and into a different one.

Very slowly she removed herself from the grasp of the man with whom she had shared this bed for the last five years. She stood up, took her phone from the nightstand, but before she left the room something compelled her to turn around. The man lying in her bed was clean-shaven and quiet, and also totally unlike himself. She had let her parents push her into this. Jack was an old family friend, he was well off, their parents had a great relationship, and during their childhood it was always assumed that they would end up together. So when her parents had come to her home for the first time, instead of being excited, Maura was only disappointed. They had come to tell her that she was marrying Jack; the order was not obvious, but Maura knew it was there.

She was a twenty-six year old medical examiner and never been in a stable or long lasting relationship, she had never been in love. She had had partners in the past and love affairs in Europe, but she had never truly been in love.

Maura's childhood was not exactly desirable; she was always alone, then off to boarding school. Her parents were very involved in their own lives and in each other. She spent a lot of time alone and never really formed an attachment to anyone. She believed that was why she struggled to form and keep relationships throughout her teenage years and early adulthood. And after trial and error too many times to count, when her parents came to her with their demands, she simply accepted. Maura Isles was not an individual who gave up easily, but in the years leading up to her marriage, the fire that once burned in her had slowly been extinguished. She could feel it happening but there was nothing she could do to reignite herself. And that was why she found herself here, staring at her husband, a man she had never loved, almost an invader in her bed.

But things had now begun to change. And that was all because of one woman who had come into Maura's life and set fire to everything in her eyes. Maura had found herself again; she discovered who she had once been because of the detective. Slowly she had begun to feel sexy and empowered again; she began to feel like a woman. They knew what they were doing, Maura was honest and said that she was married, but the detective didn't care; she believed that marriage was born out of love, not planning or family fortune. And love, well that was exactly what the two women had.

Maura closed the door softly behind her, went to her bathroom and pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a tee. She dialled her lover's number and smiled like a teenager when a half asleep, husky voice answered.

"Maura? What's wrong?"

"Jane." Maura's voice was breathy and almost far away, as though with the utterance of the name, her dreams were being given a form.

"Honey what's wrong?"

Jane was up now, sitting in bed, her pillow in her lap. It was often that she got calls like this from Maura. The last time was when Jack had come home late and refused to put the bottle of vodka down.

"I miss you Jane."

"I'm coming."

She was up and out of bed, shorts and a tee on and out the door. There were no cars on the road and so Jane took some liberties with the speed at which she travelled. She was at Maura's in twenty minutes. Sending a quick text to her lover, she got out of the car and slowly made her way up towards the front door. In less than a minute, Maura was out. And when her eyes fell on Jane, everything slipped into place and the world was right again. The two came together and they fit perfectly. Maura rested her head in the crook of Jane's neck and inhaled a deep breath that was so much more intimate than any other oxygen. Jane's chin came to be on the top of Maura's head, her arms curling around the honey-blonde, tightening protectively.

The detective's mouth made its way down to Maura's ear.

"Time to go home?" she whispered.

The doctor ran her hand down Jane's arm and intertwined their fingers. She was led to Jane's car and they were at Jane's apartment in half an hour. When Maura was in the car, Jane always followed the speed limits.

On nights like these, Jane was very careful to do things slowly, to take Maura's hand. Jane knew that the doctor could more than handle herself, but the detective wanted to make it very clear that she didn't have to.

For the past year, these late-night–early-morning calls from Maura had become something of a norm for Jane. Jack was less than the prefect husband; Jane knew that.

Upon entering the apartment, Maura didn't let go of Jane's hand and simply led her to the bedroom. The honey-blonde walked over to her side and sat down, bringing Jane to face her. And then her head hung low, like it had given up on the strength of her neck. Jane stepped closer and Maura's head rested on her stomach. Their breathing synchronised and Maura's arms came to wrap around Jane's mid-section. Maura needed to centre herself, to find her balance and that was something she could only do with Jane. And Jane just let her take her time, watched her breathing, and studied her hands and the contours of her body until she was ready. Eventually Jane got into bed beside Maura and as she always had, Maura wrapped herself securely around Jane, almost like she thought that the detective might disappear in her sleep.

When Jane's head hit the pillow she began to think about the first time she had met the doctor.

 _It was a Friday morning and all Jane wanted was for the week to end so that she could lounge on her couch and watch TV with Jo. As she did every morning she walked into Boston Jo's and ordered her usual. The reason that she had wanted the week to end was because for the last month she had had to deal with the moronic neurosis that Dr Pike inhabited. She loathed that man and she loathed how it made her behave. She was looking forward to the new medical examiner that would be arriving the next Monday._

 _She grabbed her coffee and turned to walk towards the sugar and creamer. But just as she turned, her body collided with that of a small woman with honey-blonde hair and an almost well concealed tear stained face. Luckily her coffee was not spilled and she was able to catch the petite woman before she fell._

" _I'm so sorry," the smaller woman said._

 _Jane was taken aback. She was beautiful and her eyes bore right into Jane, securing her feet firmly to the floor and making it impossible to move._

" _No, it was my fault. Um, let me buy you a coffee?"_

 _Normally, Jane would have said it was 'ok' but something had taken over her and before the smaller woman could respond, Jane was asking her what she wanted and paying. The detective led the woman to a booth and they sat in silence for a moment while Jane stared at her and then introduced herself._

" _I'm Jane."_

" _Hi Jane, I'm Maura."_

" _Sorry about before, I'm not exactly concentrating before I've had my coffee."_

 _This got a laugh out of the honey-blonde and Jane's day was made._

" _Are you ok? You seem…not ok."_

 _Normally, with most people, Maura would have shrugged this off and said that she was fine, but without realising it, her mind did not think that Jane was most people. The doctor was drawn to the detective in more ways than one._

" _I'm not, but I'm trying to be."_

" _I haven't seen you around here before."_

" _I'm not from around here actually, I just moved in. I start my new job on Monday."_

" _I'd like to take you to dinner."_

 _Jane was surprised at how forward she was being with this woman, but for some reason she didn't want to leave here without securing another time to see her. Her last girlfriend had left her when Jane refused to work fewer hours or take a desk job. Alexandra told Jane that she couldn't stand sitting at home waiting for the call that told her if Jane was going to come home that night or not. But all that Jane heard was that she was not worth the worry that she caused. And so they left each other. That was five years ago, and Jane hadn't been with anyone in any capacity since then. For a long time she gave up on trying to find someone, instead just recently coming to decide that perhaps being with no one in a relationship but with whomever she wanted sexually would be the better option. And now, after months of convincing herself that this was the best course to take, a beautiful woman had changed her mind in a heartbeat._

" _I think I'd like that."_

" _Tonight. Eight o'clock?"_

" _Pick me up?"_

" _Of course."_

 _And that was that. In two minutes they had reached a rhythm unlike anything Jane had ever experienced. Anyone would have thought that they had been the best of friends for their whole lives. They spent the next hour talking about nothing and everything until Jane realised that she was late for work. She apologised to Maura but once again confirmed their dinner and got Maura's address and phone number. Leaving Joe's that morning was harder than on any other Friday she could remember._

 _There were no new cases and so Jane took the opportunity to finish the follow-up reports that she had been neglecting. She noticed that every now and again her thoughts would run towards Maura and she would forget how to do anything. She loved it._

 _Seven o'clock couldn't come fast enough. As soon as the time came, Jane was out of her chair, reports done, jacket on and down at her car. She rushed home and got changed into a black jumpsuit that was revealing at the back and did wonders for her boobs. She grabbed her red pair of pumps, and a little lip-gloss. Her hair was in a ponytail and she used her favourite grey eye shadow to make her eyes smoky. She took some cash with her, her credit card and her phone and she was out the door._

 _At Maura's she sent a quick text message to the doctor and before she could walk up the path to the front door, Maura was half way down to her car, and she looked beautiful. She was wearing a blue dress that looked like the sky after it rained and the clouds cleared, black platforms and her hair was down and wavy and golden and wonderful. Jane forgot that she needed to speak._

 _Maura walked up to Jane, reached up and kissed her on the cheek, gave a cheeky smile and said hello._

 _It took Jane a moment to regain her composure but she was able to return Maura's greeting and they got in the car._

" _Where are we off to?"_

" _Surprise."_

" _Jane."_

 _Maura said her name in such a way as to make her almost believe that she had been saying it her whole life._

 _Jane laughed and told Maura that she had wanted to go to this restaurant for a while but she just hadn't had a good enough reason to. But now she did._

 _They arrived just after eight thirty and the headwaiter informed them that their table was ready. They followed him to the back of the restaurant where they were seated in a booth that seemed to close them off from the rest of the restaurant. Maura allowed Jane to order for them, but she chose the wine._

 _It arrived almost immediately and it was wonderful. The night was beginning to feel like they had known each other forever._

" _So Jane, what do you do?"_

" _I'm a homicide detective. And you?"_

" _Well I'm a medical examiner."_

 _And then it clicked to the both of them. Jane was a detective waiting for a new medical examiner and Maura was new in town, starting on Monday. They simply smiled at each other._

" _So, Maura, are you married, boyfriend, single?"_

" _I'm married, but I don't think it counts."_

" _How so?" Jane thought it was the most curious thing to say._

" _Don't you have to be happy to be married? Otherwise you're just two people occupying the same space with a ring on your finger, wishing for something more?"_

 _Jane didn't say anything; she just placed her hand gently on top of Maura's._

 _Maura immediately felt comfortable and safe when she felt Jane's hand on her own. She let out a small smile._

 _They talked more about their jobs and their lives, past relationships. Jane told Maura about Alexandra and why she had left and Maura told Jane about how she and Jack had met and her parents basic but almost total control over the marriage._

" _He was the prefect guy when we were younger. He was smart, sweet. But when we got married and he realised that it was something out of my control, well that's when I really go to know him. In the beginning we had sex, which was less than enjoyable for me, he was quite rough and inconsiderate. But then…"_

 _And at that, Maura decided to stop._

 _Dessert was finished and without a word Jane took care of the cheque, aware that she would feel it in the morning. Jane stood up and motioned Maura to do the same. They left the restaurant with Jane resting her hand on the small of Maura's back._

 _Instead of leading Maura back to the car, Jane took her hand and led her toward the park. It was dark, but the lights illuminated it just enough to make it romantic. Maura let Jane hold her hand and when a cold wind made its way through Maura, she stepped closer and wrapped her arm around Jane's waist. They walked around the park and talked, it was as though time had stopped everywhere else. But then Jane remembered herself and checked the time. It was almost one in the morning and Jane had to get up for work soon. She guided them to the car and drove Maura home. When they arrived she got out and opened the door for the honey-blonde. Getting out of the car, Maura looked apprehensive about going home. She turned to Jane but said nothing._

" _I suppose I'll see you on Monday then?"_

" _No…"_

" _What? No?"_

" _Sooner."_

" _Oh."_

" _I had a fantastic time Jane…with you. I mean I'm married…"_

 _Jane felt sorry for Maura, she was bound by a marriage that was anything but what it was supposed to be._

 _Maura started to turn towards the house but Jane grabbed for her hand and pulled her close. She turned and leaned Maura against the car, in case her husband was around, but she doubted it. She leaned her arms on either side of Maura, making escape impossible._

" _I know you're married, but only in a legal sense. Now tell me if I should stop."_

 _Maura responded by pulling Jane in close from the front of her jumpsuit and enveloping her lips. The detective groaned and pushed her body into Maura's. It was a kiss that was slow, but passionate; like lovers who once existed as one, coming to meet after an eternity apart. Maura broke the kiss but leaned her forehead against Jane's. They both smiled._

 _They stayed like that for a moment, just taking in the gravity of what they had each discovered in the other. And that was when Jane knew._

Maura stirred against Jane and she smiled, leaning into the doctor's warmth. She placed a soft kiss on Maura's forehead and allowed herself to drift off into the oblivion of sleep, completely content.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Maura awoke the next morning to find herself firmly planted in between Jane's legs. She squirmed slightly and rubbed herself against Jane. The brunette quickly awoke and came to her senses. Her grip on Maura tightened and she pulled the honey-blonde on top of her. Maura straddled Jane's waist and rested her hands on either side of Jane's head. Her blonde curls fell over Jane's face and the brunette smiled into it.

"I love you."

They couldn't help but giggle. They had both said it at the same time. Jane had wanted to spend time like this with Maura for the past week, but they hadn't been able to see each other properly. After three weeks of seeing each other, the two were at Jane's apartment, dancing to 'You Made Me Love You', when Jane looked deep into Maura's eyes and simply said, "I'm falling in love with you Maura." And now it had been three years, but every time they looked at each other it felt exactly as it had on that very first day.

Hearing Maura say this was always the best part of Jane's day because on their second date the doctor had said that she had never fallen in love. And for her to be certain enough to voice it filled Jane with a feeling that she would never be able to describe.

"What happened last night Maura?" Jane asked cautiously as she tucked some of Maura's hair behind her ear.

"I just… I looked over at him and when it wasn't you, I didn't want to be there anymore."

Jane exhaled, the situation never bringing her any respite.

"I just don't want him hurting you again Maura. You deserve so much better than that."

"I have you."

Jane replied with a soft kiss to Maura's nose and wrapped her legs around the honey-blonde's waist, bringing their bodies together.

"Breakfast?"

"Mhmm."

Maura rolled off of Jane and they both got out of bed and went into the kitchen. Jane got started on some coffee and toast, and Maura made her way over to the fireplace mantle. Jane had framed a picture of the two of them and put it up there. It didn't suggest anything other than two friends having a good time. They were careful when they were around people at work or around family. Sometimes they would steal the odd kiss or romantic grab when no one was around, but mostly they waited until they were alone. Jack got along with Jane's family, on the outside, and vice versa, but everyone knew that Maura was unhappy. It was just that no one knew as well as Jane did. The honey-blonde smiled at the thought; she had never been open with someone like she was with Jane, but to hold off, to close herself away had never even occurred to her. The strong arms that wrapped themselves around her waist interrupted her reverie, as did the chin that came to rest in the crook of her neck, light kisses being peppered along her collarbone.

Her head instinctively moved towards Jane's and her hands laid themselves over the detective's.

Unlike Maura, their conversation from the bedroom had not left Jane. She still had things to say, things she couldn't just ignore.

"Leave him Maura," it was a plea. A plea not out of selfish desires but out of love.

Jane's lips didn't leave Maura's skin, like she wanted the words to seep into Maura and not into the world. Her hands made their way down the front of Maura's thighs and she pushed the doctor's legs apart. Maura had to hold onto the mantle piece for support. Jane's hands were firm and demanding. Her lips on the back of Maura's neck were forcing her head forward and her eyes closed. The detective's hands moved back up Maura's legs and her fingers trailed teasingly over Maura's centre. The honey-blonde's hips moved towards Jane's hand, but the brunette had other plans. She bit the back of Maura's neck and soothed it with her tongue. Her fingers trailed up Maura's shirt and then down below the hem of her yoga pants. The pants started to come down Maura's legs and soon Jane's hands found themselves at the doctor's panties. Her right hand slowly dove in while her left came back up to cup Maura's breast. Jane could feel her lover's arousal as it clung to her fingers. She moved her fingers around Maura's clit, only teasing the doctor, never giving in to what she wanted. One of Maura's hands came off the mantle and she laid it over Jane's hand and guided it to her centre where Jane entered one finger. The honey-blonde squirmed in protest and pushed her hips back into Jane's, pleading for a release. Very slowly, Jane entered another finger into Maura and began to pulse in and out at an agonising pace. Her lips continued to place her mark on Maura's neck and her hands never ceased their loving caresses. When Jane entered a third finger Maura's head fell back to rest on the detective's shoulder and she let out a deep moan of approval.

Jane's lips found Maura's cheek and then her mouth. The doctor was close to her release and Jane wanted nothing more than to feel that tightness around her fingers and the doctor tense in her arms as she reached an ecstasy that only Jane could bring her to. And when she felt it Maura disappeared for a moment. Her eyes closed and she let out a loud moan that ended with Jane's name.

The detective pulled Maura's panties and pants back into place. The doctor spun around and held Jane's face in her hands.

"Jane, you know that I can't just up and leave him like that?"

"Why not?"

"Because Jane…"

"No. That answer isn't good enough this time Maura. Tell me why you won't leave a man that not only treats you terribly but that you don't even love."

Jane wanted Maura to know that she was not only serious but also prepared for whatever the doctor had to reveal to her. She looked her so deeply in the eyes that Maura thought she might faint.

"I'm afraid of him Jane."

She was cold and detached. She said it matter-of-factly, as though she had thought it for so long that when it was voiced, it died and fell at her feet.

Jane led the two of them to the couch and sat Maura down. The detective sat on the coffee table and faced the honey-blonde, an intense look in her eyes.

"You never talk about him, only when you really have to. Now, tell me everything."

"Jane, I don't…"

"Maura Dorothea Isles you will tell me everything I need to know about this man so that if I ever have to kick his ass I won't feel bad about it. And I love you too much to let you let this happen to you. Sometimes you gotta let people save you Maura. Just let me, please."

Maura's face softened and she took Jane's hands in her own, turning them over, putting the feel to memory, following the tracks of the lines in her palms. Jane just waited.

"When we were young he was lovely. We were always friends. And then as we got older and he proved to be his father's son, things were set in motion. I had never had anyone like you Jane; no one ever thought that I would be worth…I don't know, their time I guess. I suppose I was kind of a weird kid. And when I saw people falling in love around me and I was alone, I kind of let go of that fantasy. I always secretly hoped that maybe it might happen, that someone would take the time, but… Anyway, eventually Jack proposed , my parents had made their wishes known, and I said yes, mostly in the hope that a friendship might be able to turn into something more with a little time and effort. It was about a year in and I suppose you could say that things developed sexually, for him anyway. And then, quite unexpectedly, I fell pregnant."

Jane's face fell. Her imagination threw her all sorts of scenarios that she'd rather not think about.

"Maura…"

"After the first few weeks I decided to tell him. He wasn't thrilled, but he wasn't disappointed either. He started to stay at work more often and he was seeing all sorts of women. I tried to let it go, to just throw myself into my work and plan for the baby. I was so happy Jane, so happy to be a mother, sometimes everything else disappeared and I thought that it would all somehow be ok. But it wasn't. And on the night that I came home from work to find him in our bed with some woman from his office, that was the night that I let it all go and I lost my fear and did what I should have done from the beginning. I had put up with his affairs but he brought this woman to our bed. Not that it stood for much but it was still our bed. I pulled off the covers, told her to leave and started to yell at Jack. I said 'how dare you bring another woman into our bed. I've put up with you for our whole marriage, I have let you behave however you wanted, and you've had all the freedom that a man might ask for. But this is too much, ever for me.' I called him a coward and said that I was done with the charade. The whole time he just looked at me, like he didn't know me. And when I finished he stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders and told me that if I did anything other than be a dutiful wife, he would do everything in his power and his father's power, to make sure that my baby never knew I existed. And that's when I hit him. I slapped him in his smug face. And I paid the price. I saw it in his eyes before he did it and just as I said, 'no jack not the baby,' I felt a pain unlike anything in my life. He left the room and I crawled into the bathroom and I stayed there for the rest of that night and the following day. I wasn't a mother anymore Jane."

Both women had tears in their eyes. Memories of something still so real making her feel things she thought she'd forgotten and Jane filled with such a rage that she thought she might explode. After a long exhale Jane moved forward and straddled Maura's lap. She folded herself into Maura, her arms coming to hold Maura's face and her body encasing the honey-blonde in what she hoped felt like love, comfort and protection. Maura let her head fall forward and rest on Jane's chest, finding comfort in the feeling of Jane's hands as they ran up her neck and finished down her back.

They stayed like that for a while. Jane trying to take away Maura's pain by absorbing it into herself, trying to turn the world into a place where this beautiful, perfect woman didn't have to feel anything other than happiness.

"Stay with me Maura. Don't go home, just stay here and let me love you the way that you deserve to be."

Maura's arms came up and tightened around the detective, silently making a wish that perhaps this might all work out so that she could turn over in bed and see Jane and smile for the rest of her life.

And then, quicker than her brain was capable of working in that moment, Jane was up and off the doctor and in the bedroom. She was getting changed and in less than a minute her keys were in her hand and she was standing at the door.

"Jane don't."

"I'm not gonna do anything stupid Maura. I'm gonna go and get some stuff for you so that you can stay here and then I'll come right back. I promise."

Maura stood and walked over to Jane. She trusted her, it was Jack that she was wary of. But he probably wouldn't be in the house and so all she did was raise her mouth to Jane's and give her the most passionate and love filled kiss she could. Their lips devoured one another and Maura's tongue explored Jane's mouth. She sucked on her bottom lip and lightly kissed her cheek before letting her go.

* * *

Jane arrived at Maura's house in record time. She made sure to grab Maura's keys and confidently made her way up to the front door. When she was inside she went up to find the bedroom and began making her way through the wardrobe and drawers for things she thought Maura might need. She took everything and laid it on the bed, making sure not to wrinkle anything. She was finishing up with Maura's undergarments when she felt something that was not lace in the bottom of the drawer. She pulled it out and almost fell backwards. It was the ultrasound photo. The first and only one. Jane could just make out the form of a tiny little head and body. Her heart broke. She pulled herself together and took everything, including the photo to her car. Again, she was careful.

She ran back inside just to check that she had everything and before she left, she went into Maura's office. Going through drawers she found nothing that she thought she should take and so she decided to leave. But something caught her eye. The only room that had a door handle that could be locked in the whole house. Jane tried every key until she got the right one and let herself in. The walls were blue with clouds painted in pure white and a wooden flower hung on the wall that said 'Baby Girl's Room'. There was a small set of drawers and the only thing that Jane found in them was a tiny pink jumpsuit. Maura hadn't even had time to buy all the things that she wanted for her baby before she was taken away from her. Jane took the jumpsuit and drove home.

In her usual fashion she carried everything in at once because she never made a second trip. Maura opened the door for her and took some of the clothes into the bedroom. The photo and jumpsuit Jane kept separate. The brunette lay on their bed and watched as the doctor placed her things first in the wardrobe and then in the bathroom. Things went on the table beside the bed and finally Maura went beside Jane and they lay there for a moment to appreciate the space that they would from then on refer to as "ours".

"Maura I have something else for you."

Maura sat up and faced Jane. The brunette pulled the photo out of her pocket and placed it in Maura's lap. Then she turned over and pulled the tiny jumpsuit out from under her pillow and laid it in front of Maura. Time seemed to stop.

"Baby girl…," Maura whispered as she stared into the photo and held onto the jumpsuit until her knuckles turned white.

"You are still a mother Maura. That is your baby and no one can ever take that away from you. Your time was stolen but one day Maura you are gonna hold your baby in your arms and the world will melt away when she smiles back at you. I just want to make you happy my beautiful girl."

No one had ever looked at Maura Isles and tod her that what they wanted most in the world was her happiness. She gently placed the photo and the jumpsuit on her bedside table and came back to Jane. Maura lowered herself and rested her head on Jane's abdomen, relishing in the moment when Jane's hands landed on her chest and on the top of her head, respectively. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift into the things that she hoped one day might happen for her and the brunette that currently had her whole heart.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The rumbling that emanated from Jane's stomach interrupted Maura's meditation. She raised her head and smiled at the brunette, lifting herself off of Jane and taking her hand, leading them both to the kitchen.

"What do you feel like?"

Jane came around behind Maura and lowered her head to whisper in her ear.

"Mmmm, something sweet."

The honey-blonde turned around and gave Jane a suggestive glance and a very naughty smile.

"Pancakes then?" she said cheekily.

They both chuckled and went their separate ways in the kitchen, Jane onto coffee and Maura hunting for usable ingredients that were almost non-existent in Jane's home. Her search yielded only milk and she knew that the only purpose that served was the coffee that Jane had every morning.

"Jane, you have nothing here. It's been three years and I still haven't been able to convince you that fresh food is important. Now I have to go shopping and it's too early and I look terrible because all I've been doing is crying and sleeping. You're lucky you're the love of my life detective."

In one swift motion Jane went from the coffee machine to the fridge, had Maura in her arms and was kissing the doctor. Her arms wrapped around Maura's back and slowly travelled up and down until she felt content enough to let go and look down at the marvellous creature in front of her.

"You're beautiful."

"You know Jane, only when you say it does it feel like its true."

The only way the detective knew how to reply was with a light kiss to the doctor's forehead. She then poured their coffee and Maura began her vocal checklist for the day.

"So I'm going grocery shopping, coming back here, kissing you, making pancakes, probably kissing you again and then maybe eating breakfast…"

She let the last words roll of her tongue in a seductive manner, enjoying the look on Jane's face as a cheeky smile developed and her brow rose.

* * *

Maura had not been gone long but when she came back into the apartment her cheery and sweet disposition from only an hour ago had disappeared. Jane immediately stood and walked over to her lover, hands immediately at her sides. She drew Maura closer to her and waited for the honey-blonde's head to rest on either her shoulder or chest. But she was not rewarded.

"Jane I have to go home." Her voice was dead and cold.

"I…what?"

"I have to go home Jane, to my husband." Her mouth was letting the words out, but in her eyes she hoped that Jane might see the pleading, the pain of speaking these lies out loud.

"Maura…"

The honey-blonde took herself out of Jane's arms and walked into the bedroom. She began to gather all her things, anything that she had ever left behind at Jane's. As she was putting the last of her belongings into a bag she felt the brunette come up behind her, as gentle as a soft breeze.

Jane was at a loss. She was not ready for this and now her thoughts were swimming and she couldn't hold a concrete thought in her mind. All she had left was what she felt. She wrapped herself around Maura from behind and leaned her head down so that she might whisper into the honey-blonde's ear.

"Maura I love you. I love you. You make the world better, you make me want to be in it. You make me better. Your eyes bring out a truth in me and your hands bring out a love. Unlike anyone else, you make me soft and gentle without making me feel weak or vulnerable. But I know that I would be those things for you Maura. When you're here with me this place feels like home, but when you leave its only four walls and a roof that are keeping me from you. Just your presence brings life into me and the first time I saw you I fell in love. In the time we've had everything about you has seeped under my skin. You've folded yourself around me and if you leave, that tightly wound essence of you will rip me apart. But I won't mind; it would be a pleasure to have my heart broken by you. But I will not give up on you Maura. Never will I melt into the background as you pack your bags. I know that this isn't you Maura. And if you leave all I will do is wait for you. And on the day that you come back through that door my heart will start beating again. But I will not let you go."

The final words were spoken through gritted teeth, a growl coming from the back of Jane's throat, sealing the promise.

"Jane, that's enough." Maura Isles had retreated into herself, the cold and confident woman that the world knew had replaced the soft and gentle spirit that only Jane had come to know.

The detective was taken aback but she worked to figure out what might have happened to make Maura act like this. She fought hard to keep anger at bay, to try and see this situation for what it really was rather than for what it seemed to be. Maura was not a woman who made decisions like this, that would hurt someone so much, let alone that would hurt herself so much.

"I know this isn't you Maura."

They were at the door and Maura's hand was on the knob, her heart begging her mind to leave it closed and unturned. But this time her mind won out and she turned the handle, which seemed so much heavier than at any other time. She closed her eyes as she turned her back to Jane and begged a God that she didn't believe in that she might be forgiven one day.

The detective's face was riddled with pain and sadness. Never had she let herself become so open to someone as she had with Maura. She had given this woman the power to kill her and now at this moment she felt herself dying.

Like a ghost the doctor stepped over the threshold of the door and without looking back she went down the stairs and to her car. When she was alone within the confines of her vehicle she lost control of her emotions and of her body. Tears streamed down her face, her hands slammed into the steering wheel and her mind cursed her decision making her feel fragile and small despite the strength that it took. She knew that she was not feeling the full brevity of what she had done, but that when she awoke the next morning without Jane she definitely would. She would be punished for this.

* * *

The door to Jane's apartment was left open. Maura's perfume still lingered in between the world and their home. Her body refused to move. There was nothing in her mind but at the same time it was filled with everything that she had ever shared with Maura and everything that had ever happened between them. She moved to the wall, leaned against it and slid down as her legs lost the ability to hold her up. With a strong wind the door slammed shut and Jane felt the vibrations through the walls, they went straight through her. Her knees came up and her forehead rested against them with her arms wrapping around like protection from a cruel world.

Her breathing became erratic and her eyes forced themselves closed. Even though she took deep breaths that seemed to touch the very deepest points in her lungs she was still rendered breathless. Her lips began to close and she felt them begin to tingle from the lack of oxygen. Her body was no longer her own; her hands began to shake and they grew increasingly numb. Jane began to feel dizzy and just before she gave up on trying to keep herself seated her mind gave her a final thought: 'She's gone'.

* * *

The city of Boston took its time falling into the darkness of night. It was a comfortable time for most. On this particular evening there were far less stars in the sky than the city was normally graced with. For two souls the length of the night and the stars in the sky were only reminders that the world never stopped but rather that it sped on regardless of its occupants. Two women had been brought to the very precipice of life and without being given warning, were forced to jump after having their wings ripped from them. Jane Rizzoli remained on the floor of her apartment waiting for her breath to return to a normal rate and for the pain in her chest to subside. Maura Isles opened the door to her house and took a small step inside, placing her bag and jacket on the table beside the door. Her mind kept throwing her moments of when she came through the door of Jane's apartment and was met with deep brown eyes and take out. But this moment would be nothing like that, it would be void of love and the only thing awaiting her would be the price she would now have to pay.

Even though the illumination of stars made its way through the windows of this house, Maura felt anything but light. Her shoulders were hunched with the anticipation of what awaited her, almost in a stance of self-protection and anticipating the possibility of pain. Lights were off and the only thing that hinted at the presence of another life was the soft glow emanating from her bedroom upstairs. The light seeped from under the closed door and fell off the edge to the second floor where it was engulfed in darkness.

She took a moment to steady herself and then created a shield in her mind to protect everything she had with Jane in the past three years, hoping beyond hope that it would give her strength and keep her sane until the day she might escape this and be able to beg Jane to love her again.

As she ascended the stairs her mind allowed her some comfort in reliving her favourite moment with the detective.

 _Sheets and skin enveloped her legs and as she was gently brought out of the warmth of sleep she opened her eyes to the face of the woman whom she loved with every ounce of her being. Deep chocolate eyes enticed her to let go of the dream world and come fully into the present. And when she tried to playfully roll over and wrap herself in the light warmth of the sheets arms caught her body and Jane's lips caught her mind. She could do nothing but allow the brunette to devour her mouth. Her hands roamed over the olive skin and eventually made their way into unruly curls, pushing Jane's face to her neck. Maura shivered at the contact and moved herself under Jane, wrapping her legs around the mid-section of the detective. Jane's mouth moved down her neck and in between her breasts eliciting a moan from the doctor._

Maura's mind pulled her away from the daydream as she neared the bedroom door and her hand reached for the knob. And before she could take a breath a voice moved towards her and then through her turning her skin to ice.

"Maura, I knew you would come back to me."

* * *

The world would never come to know Jane Rizzoli as she truly was. She kept herself hidden away and shrouded under her tough and angry exterior. It was very rare for Jane to find someone whom she would allow to climb into the cracks that developed in her façade. And she had always felt that it would be impossible to find someone whom she would want to give herself over completely. The difference that she discovered with Maura was that the honey-blonde never asked her to open up; she never forced her to reveal herself. When her father left and after her partner died Maura never said that she was drinking too much or that she needed to get out of the house. She simply sat beside Jane and waited. She waited for Jane to be ready to lie down in her lap and allow her to run her fingers through the mass of unruly curls. She waited for the moment when Jane would ask to go for a run. It was all about trust, she trusted Jane to deal with these things on her own and to come home to her when she was ready. Jane felt comfortability, closeness unlike anything she had ever been given. In all previous relationships people wanted to get inside her head, they wanted to know why she felt this or that and why she sometimes cried while she slept. But Maura didn't want to know those things for the sake of feeling like she had won a prize or had made it over a wall; she wanted to know those things for the simple fact that they were a part of Jane and she loved everything that made up her detective. And so Maura was always perfectly content to wait for Jane.

It had been four days since Jane had seen anything other than the pillows of her bed and the walls of her bedroom. Despite making her decision to wait she could only feel broken. She knew that Maura had a reason for leaving but in the end she still left. How long would she wait? How long _could_ she wait? Tomorrow she would have to go to work, she was on call. Would Maura be there? All she could do was hope.

As Jane sat on the edge of her bed after what felt like crawling from her living room floor, she vowed to hold as much faith in Maura as the doctor had always held in her. As her alarm began to blare through her apartment Jane decided to treat this as a normal work day and sent a message to Maura asking if she wanted to be picked up.

She left her phone on the bed and went to have a shower. Once she was dressed and had had her coffee she went again to check her phone, deciding that an hour was more than enough time for Maura to have replied. But she unlocked her phone to a lack of new messages. There was no email and no calls. So Jane gathered her things and as she left her apartment a voice in her head that she felt was more like Maura than herself whispered 'Faith Jane, faith.'

* * *

Coming to stop at the elevator at BPD Jane's hand hovered over the button that would take her down to the morgue but she stopped herself, thinking that if Maura hadn't texted her then perhaps it was important to give her space. So she instead made her way up to the Bull Pen and greeted Korsak and Frankie.

Just before Jane was able to get into finishing the reports on her desk, Cavanaugh came into her line of sight and signalled to her that he wanted to see her. Something in the back of her mind sent a strange feeling to the pit of her stomach and a shiver up her spine. As she walked into his office he closed the door and didn't speak for a moment after he sat down.

"Jane sit down please."

She did as he said, not wanting to upset him anymore than it seemed he already was.

"Something has come up and I wanted to tell you in person so that you didn't have to find out in a way that was less than desirable."

"Ok…" Her voice was soft and lacked its usual growl.

"Dr Isles will no longer be working with the Boston Police Department. This letter was on my desk when I came in this morning."

He handed her a white envelope that had Maura's very feminine and very distinct handwriting on the front. Jane didn't care to read the letter; she knew what it would say. It would be very formal and that there would be absolutely nothing hinting at the real reason behind her resignation.

 _Faith, Jane._

"That is unfortunate." The detective attempted to retain her cool composure and nonchalant attitude towards the situation.

"Yes it is. I have been informed that Dr Pike will be replacing Dr Isles indefinitely."

Jane had to hold back a look of dismay and a snort at the total lack of capability that she knew comprised Pike. The only concrete thought that she had running through her head was that she was going to feel the absence of Maura more than anything.

 _Faith._

"Is that all Sir?"

The Lieutenant looked surprised but none the less allowed the detective her leave and closed his door behind her.

With the thud of Cavanaugh's door Jane began to take slow steps back to her desk tyring to put together all of the pieces of something that didn't even seem like a puzzle. She sat down and she went into a pilot mode, filling out reports for cases that she knew inside and out. Eventually she had to stop and the only thing she could think straight about was Maura. Turning on her computer, she looked up all of the things that she could think of that might hint as to what was going on. She looked at Maura's phone and credit card records and noted that there had been no activity as of the time that she left Jane's apartment. Then she went down to have a look at the security videos for the BPD, wondering if she might be able to catch Maura putting her letter of resignation on Cavanaugh's desk.

After searching for what seemed like hours, Jane found the right date and time in the video loop that she was looking for. Maura had come in alone. To anyone else she would have looked fine, ordinary. But to Jane she seemed scared and anxious. She checked around every corner and opened every door slowly before making her way. Something was keeping Maura Isles in a very confined box and Jane was determined to find out what it was. She was about to turn off the video when she saw Maura make a beeline for the detective's desk after she left Cavanaugh's office. She sat in Jane's chair and slipped on the jacket that Jane had left there. It was the too big for Maura. She wrapped her arms around herself and buried her head in her arms, taking in the scent of Jane that remained on her clothing. The brunette began to tear up.

Maura put the jacket back and took out of her purse a letter that was almost identical to the one she had given Cavanaugh but instead this one read 'Jane' on the front. She placed it in the top drawer of Jane's desk and made her way out of BPD.

When Jane got back to her desk she found the letter and folded it to put in her pocket; she would read it at home when she could be away from the sounds and distractions that were ceaseless at work.

 _Faith._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Once upon a time letters would contain everything that was ever held dear; they were physical thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. In recent time these have been replaced with other forms of writing that simply cannot and do not hold the same spiritual quality. But Maura Isles, as anyone who knew her would have come to realise, embodies within her all of these once prevalent qualities of a time gone and passed. And of all people, Jane was the only one that had truly seen these qualities in the light. She had watched as Maura stood in the middle of her apartment, with soft music playing, allowing it to totally consume her, and as she began to sway and her head rolled back and she entered a completely separate plane of awareness, Jane couldn't help but fall in love all over again. And it was all she could do to make her way behind Maura, wrap her arms around her and lean her head in so that Maura's head came to rest on Jane's shoulder. And all of a sudden her love ran deeper than she ever thought it could.

Those were the kinds of times that Jane thought about now as she held Maura's envelope in her hands. She was sat on the bed that they had shared countless times. She hoped that it might protect her from what might come of reading the letter.

With tentative fingers she released the page from it casing and pulled it out. Already she could see the indentation of Maura's handwriting.

 _My dearest Jane,_

 _I know that my behaviour requires explanation and that perhaps what I have done is unforgivable. But that being said, I needed you to know that despite what I have done I still love you more than you could ever know. I wake up in the morning and all I do is search for your body to be close to mine. I search for the smell of you within the walls that I walk. But the only place that I see you is in my dreams, every night. You have wrapped yourself around my soul and with every step that I take away from you pieces of me fall away. I see you in everything that I do; you are every thought and every movement that I make. My days are filled with the presence of the absence of you. I know that this is all my doing. You don't deserve this Jane. But I just hope that you might find it in your heart to wait for me because I will find my way back to you Jane. I will not stop fighting until I see you again, love you again. Please let me. I love you so much J._

 _With all my love,_

 _Maura_

The letter fell from Jane's grip and tears fell from her eyes. She sprang up from the bed, grabbed her keys, her phone and her gun and was down to her car in a flash. It had grown dark and it was beginning to tick over into the early hours of the morning. She made it to Maura's in record time but instead of parking in her usual spot on the driveway she moved down about a block just in case. She was Detective Rizzoli in this moment and not Jane. And Detective Rizzoli wanted answers. She made her way in the shadows to the back door of Maura's hoping that it would be unlocked as usual. Her hand gripped the knob and it turned, letting her in. She was slow and careful, her hand resting on her gun in its holster.

It was completely dark in the house so she removed her shoes so as not to wake anyone up if they were asleep. Without taking any notice of anything around her she made her way upstairs and towards Maura's bedroom. The door was open and so she poked her head through.

The bed was stripped and all of the cupboards were empty, their drawers and doors hanging open. She went into the guest bedroom to find the same situation. She then moved to the door of what was going to be the baby's room and turned the handle. Something inside her shifted; Maura would never simply leave this unlocked. Despite not accepting what was plainly obvious to her detective self she opened the door and almost sank to her knees. Everything in this room was exactly the same as the first time that Jane had walked into it. The cupboards were fine and in the middle of the room in a small box was the jumpsuit and ultrasound photo. Jane picked it up and hugged it into herself. She also took the sign off the wall. As she walked out of the room and back to the kitchen she noticed that it was empty as well. She walked around the bench and opened the fridge; everything was gone except for the beer that Maura always kept stocked for her. The books and knick knacks from the living room were also gone, except for the Red Sox cap that Jane had bought for Maura. Jane collected that and put it in the box with the jump suit. Then a thought struck her and she ran back upstairs to Maura's bedroom.

She hadn't been able to see it before but as she went over to the wardrobe that once housed all of Maura's wonderful clothes she reached into the corner of the drawer and pulled out the Red Sox shirt that she had bought for Maura. It was small and still smelled of the honey-blonde. Jane held it to her face and inhaled what was still left of her doctor. After putting everything that was left behind of her and Maura in the box Jane put her shoes back on. The house no longer reminded her of Maura; it reminded her much more of herself; empty and devoid of Maura Isles.

She stepped outside into the coolness of the night air and felt lost and scared. She had no idea where Maura was; she knew nothing about what had happened. From what she could see there was nothing that would be considered evidence and she had no leads to go on. Maura had returned home willingly and there was no evidence of a struggle. There had been no activity on her phone or credit cards and her car was in the driveway.

Jane got in her car and made her way to BPD. She was going to look at every possible angle that she could. She was going to find Maura and nothing would stop her. When Korsak and Frankie got in she would fill them in and then the three of them along with Nina would track Maura down, however long it took.

 _Faith Jane._

* * *

Jane, Frost and Korsak had piles of paperwork and cases to close. Whenever they had a spare moment, which was extremely rare, they spent it looking for Maura. Jane had not left the bullpen in almost a week but no one had said anything. Her mother had brought her spare clothes and had forced her to take a shower and eat something. It was only when she nearly fainted on top of Frost that she began to listen to everyone when they said to try and take it a little easier. Frost would look at her but say nothing. He remained silent because filling the space with words was not enough and the only comfort Jane wanted was that of Maura. There was nothing that anyone could do for her; she would keep losing herself until she found Maura.

It was pushing close to a month now and there had been nothing. There were only so many times that Jane could take her frustrations out on the shooting range. There were only so many beers she could drink until she passed out from exhaustion. And there were only so many nights that she could turn over as she awoke and reach her arm out into emptiness before she went mad.

Maura's parents couldn't be reached; they were in Africa and wouldn't be back for another five days. However Jane had managed to contact Hope and fill her in on the situation. Sitting in the doctors office Jane kept seeing Maura in the flash of golden hair and the tiniest glimmer of Maura's eyes in the older woman's. But nothing could really compare. Just before she left Constance took Jane by the arm and pulled her gently back inside the office and asked her if she was ok. And that was all it took. Jane was on her knees with tears streaming down her eyes. Constance kneeled down in front of her and tried to bring her back to some semblance of her normally cool, calm and collected self. When the tears were over and her breathing came back to normal Jane spoke softly, as though if she were to voice the words too loudly, she might break the tiny bubble of hope that she had managed to keep herself locked up in thus far.

"I cannot lose her."

"She is strong Jane, she is so strong. And the way she looks at you, the way she smiles at you, the way she holds on to you; she is always going to find a way back to that. Back home."

"She's so much stronger than me."

Just as Hope was about to say more Jane's phone rang and Frost began to speak. In less than a moment the doctor watched as all the light left Jane's eyes and any pieces of life that clung to her body disappeared. Her face dropped and it was as though she suddenly became empty. And Hope heard the last few words of the call before Jane left her office.

"Jane….we found a body."

* * *

The only time that Maura had not slept for days was when Jane shot herself outside of BPD to save herself and Frankie. Maura sat by her bedside until her eyes opened and used her considerable connections to have visiting hours waived so that she might lie next to Jane and be away from the prying eyes of her family. She hadn't slept for the week that Jane was kept sedated after her surgery.

As she passed places and people Maura began to think about all of the moments that had led her to this one. The first day that she had met Jane, their first date, the morning that she had called Jane to tell her that she missed her. Then when they woke up and Maura said that she would go out to buy pancake ingredients. When Jane had asked her to leave Jack. She should have listened. She should have gotten brave like she used to when she was younger and she should have ended everything with Jack. But she hadn't, and she could not fathom a clear reason why. Maura wished more than anything that she had not gone out that morning that she had just stayed with Jane. Perhaps then she would not be looking over at Jack as he drove them to a destination he was yet to disclose to her. Maybe then she would be looking over at Jane instead.

But it was impossible. All of it was impossible. She thought back to that morning when fates collided and her world came crashing down around her.

 _Maura left the apartment with a smile that wouldn't leave her face and the taste of Jane on her lips. She got into Jane's cruiser and was blasted with what she guessed was Led Zeppelin. Quickly turning the music down she pulled out and made her way to the local store. When she arrived she parked right out front. There were only a couple of other cars in the lot and when she entered the store there were only four other people including the girl at the counter. She made her way to the beginning of the isles and began to grab not only the things they would need for pancakes but also other fresh produce that Jane desperately needed. As she got about half way and her basket was nearly full she noticed that there were flowers for sale today. She walked over to inspect, planning to buy a flower for Jane. There were bouquets but she only wanted one. She separated one white lily from the bunch and as she lifted it away from the bucket of water that it resided in a hand gripped her arm tightly and she was tugged away from the flowers before she could even fathom what had happened. Her mouth was covered and she was turned around._

 _Jack._

 _He slowly took his hand off of her mouth but he never let go of her arm._

" _Maura." He said her name as though her was disappointed, like a master would when his pet had no performed as expected. She knew that it would be silly to run and even sillier to try and speak reason with Jack. So she waited and eventually he began to come into his own, control the situation and find a way to make Maura do exactly as he wished._

" _Do not treat me like I'm stupid Maura. Do not deny the assumptions that I am about to make. Just listen and then you will be able to make a decision."_

 _She nodded her head and waited for him to continue._

 _Dr. Maura Isles, the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts was not a weak woman. She was one of the strongest people that had ever been created in the light of day. It was not that she could not escape from this situation it was that she would not. She would not put her family, her friends, her lover in any kind of danger if she had the means to prevent it. Once she had stayed for her family, then she had stayed for her child and now she would stay for Jane. She would stay for Jane and for the life that she still hoped they might be able to live together when the world became better._

" _I know what has been going on. Anyone can see the things going on between Jane and yourself. Perhaps I would not need to have taken such drastic efforts as the ones that I have had you not fallen into such a deep love as you have. You are mine Maura and Jane Rizzoli will never ever have you. Now comes your decision. Either you decide to come back to me and everything returns to normal, Jane goes back to being only the woman that you consult with at work, or you go back to Jane, leave me and spend every moment that you are away from her wondering if she will ever make it back to you, until the day comes that she doesn't. And that will be the day that you will truly be punished for what you have done."_

 _He stopped and waited, the grip on her arm never waning._

 _Maura retreated into herself, she placed a wall around every part of her that Jane had touched until all that was left was the cold stare in her eyes and the coldness that had grown inside of her soul on the days when she was alone and frightened as a child. Somehow, instead of everything coming together to bring her to Jane as it should have, it had brought her here._

 _Why is everything wrong? She thought._

 _She waited for herself to wake up, for the morning sun to dance across her face, for the sweet smell of Jane's hair to bring her forth from sleep. But there was no reprieve. So she stilled herself against this decision being forced upon her and her mind disconnected from everything she had ever felt and from each thought that was shouting at her to run. Then she spoke words that died upon leaving her mouth and fell to the ground like lifeless lies that only frightened away the light._

" _Fine Jack, you win."_

 _Despite wanting to say more everything inside her had stopped working and she felt the light and lovely part of herself sink back into a corner of her mind, only to wait for the day that Jane might offer her hand and pull her out again._

" _I expect you will be home tonight, I will allow you to collect your things from her. See you soon Maura."_

" _And she will be safe?"_

 _He turned around with a smug look on his face and a deep, dark anger in his eyes. When he spoke it was almost a snarl, something like Jane's voice when she was intimidating the worst of the criminals she found herself with._

" _Yes Maura, she will be safe."_

Her eyes opened and she let go of everything that was pulling her towards Jane. Just like she had when she had to give her up.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A cold and stoic Jane turned up to the crime scene. Nothing would stop her today. Not even death would stop her today. She lifted the police tape over her head and took no notice of the people around her. They may as well have been invisible. No one had gone down to the body; they were all waiting for Jane. And they were all waiting for a Medical Examiner to be contacted. Words were exchanged and people gave her greetings, but she was not with any of them. She was with the woman who was at the bottom of the hill they were standing on off of the highway. She was facedown in the dirt, half buried, with nothing concealing her. Going into autopilot Jane asked for a body bag so that she might cover the woman and preserve some of the evidence.

The wind began to blow and leaves were blown off of her face and back. Honey-blonde hair began to fly in the wind, the only part of her that seemed alive. No thoughts crossed her mind when her feet began to carry her towards the victim. In a moment Frost's hands were at her elbows pulling her back, asking her to wait until someone got an ID. But she wrenched her hands away from him with a strength that surprised him and growled: "Don't touch me."

It was not a long walk but by the time Jane got close enough, with no one behind her, she was completely out of breath and her body felt heavy. Her steps became laboured and she walked around to the victim so that she might see her face.

Jane removed the remaining leaves and debris and fell to her knees, her head hanging low, and every part of her giving up. When Frost and Korsak heard her scream they told everyone to stay back and they both ran down to Jane. There were tears covering her face and her scream still lingered on the air making it heavy. Frost came up behind Jane and Korsak lingered back, not trusting himself with the situation.

Before Frost looked at the woman in the dirt he stepped in front of Jane and lifted her up to him. She was whispering something he couldn't understand.

"It's not her. It's not her. It's not her. It's not her."

He turned and saw that the woman in the ground was not Maura. It wasn't her.

Jane fell against him and cried. She cried hard and her body went limp in his arms. Jane was beginning to lose herself, to break and the only person who they knew could bring her back from the precipice that her job forced her to, wasn't here.

* * *

Maura awoke when she felt a tickle on her cheek. Lips were close to her skin and she could feel a warm breath.

"Morning Jane." It came out slowly and full of sleep.

But then a rough hand cupped her face and her eyes shot open. The memories of the past month rushed through her head and forced the beauty of her dreams out. Jane was not here.

"Jack." Her voice was disappointed and it had lost all of the force that it had once carried.

The smug look on his face only fuelled the anger that had been building up for the last four weeks. If it had not been for the meeting that Jack had forced her to be a part of she would have run far from here many days ago. Except everything had become real in that meeting room. She had waited with Jack for 'the visitor' and could not hold back the gasp that forced itself into her mouth when she finally found out who it was that they had been waiting for.

"Paddy."

"Hi Maura."

* * *

For the longest time Angela Rizzoli had watched Jane and Maura grow closer and closer together. The moment that Jane had introduced them Angela fell in love with the young doctor. And although the girls had worked to hide what they shared, Angela had always been acutely aware of the sparkle that Maura brought out in Jane's eye. She had always hoped that someday the two might decide to tell her what was going on, but she understood why they had not.

In the beginning she thought that it would be so very strange, Jane falling in love with a woman. She had been brought up in a world where that was thought sinful and wrong. But Jane had been brought up in a world where it was becoming understood that falling in love had no preference for gender, ethnicity, religion or age. But when Angela saw how different Jane was with Maura, she couldn't help but let herself fill with happiness. The happiness of her daughter mattered more to her than the fallacies that had filled her early life. And so she had waited and dreamt of the day that she would finally be able to embrace them both and tell them that she loved them and only wished for their happiness.

But now she looked over at her daughter, sitting on her couch at home, curled into a ball, looking even smaller than she had as a child. The jersey that she had bought for Maura was wrapped in her hand so tight Angela thought it might rip. Then again, her daughter was wound so tight that she was afraid if anything else happened she would be torn in two as well.

Jane closed her eyes and held the jersey to her nose. Maura was fading from the clothes she wore just as she was fading away from Jane. Eventually her mother would leave and Jane would be left alone in her home. Angela never wanted to go but she could not ignore the pleading that she saw in Jane's eyes for solitude. In a few hours Jane would stand and wander aimlessly through the walls that encased her, searching for a fingerprint, a breath that Maura may have left behind.

She would find nothing.

* * *

Maura's mind was racing. She couldn't steady her breath and her hands began to shake and then feel numb. Why was Paddy here? He hadn't spoken to her in months. He was supposed to be in police custody, awaiting the trial for his RICO case. How did he get out?

"Maura I know it's been a while and this may come as a shock but you know that I have only ever worked to look after you."

"I can look after myself."

"Ok let's get this family reunion over and done with shall we?"

"Shut up Jack." It was Paddy and his voice held a warning in it. Maura had never seen someone act superior to her husband and for a moment it filled her with a slight satisfaction.

"What are you doing here Paddy?"

"Jack called me, said he needed a hand with something."

"How the hell do you know my husband?"

"Oh me and Paddy go way back Maura."

"Well that explains a lot."

They seemed to be done with her so when they exited the room she lowered her head and tried to concentrate on what exactly was going on, trying to put the pieces together. She was travelling with Jack and he had obviously drugged her and brought her to some house in the middle of nowhere she could recognise. She was tied to a chair and her father was here. Her father knew her husband. She could understand why Jack was doing all of this, but she had no idea of her father's stake in any of it. If Jane had not found her by now then they were definitely travelling in a stolen or unregistered vehicle and Jack was only using cash. Although Paddy's presence meant that he still had people within the Boston PD.

Jane.

Was Jack about to go back on his promise? The normally passive doctor was suddenly filled with such rage and then a profound sadness. If Jane hadn't found anything by now, she would be destroying herself trying to catch a lead, trying to 'solve the case'. Maura could see it so clearly in her mind, Jane not eating, Jane not sleeping, Jane working until she passed out. Before she could stop herself she was pulling against the ropes that held her and letting out a scream of frustration unlike anything she had ever felt before.

Somehow she would get out of this and she would find her way back to Jane. She would do anything.

In the evening she was moved by Paddy to another room in the house with a bed and a door that was locked from the outside. Before he left she decided to take a chance and go with her gut.

"Why are you here Paddy?"

"Because I am looking out for my daughter."

"That's bullshit."

"Maura you need to do what you're good at. Look at the evidence, what does it tell you?"

"What the hell does that mean?!"

"I am only here to do what is right for my daughter."

He handed her a small wallet that had photos of her throughout her life. When she was a baby, her school photos, and her college graduation. And then despite what she thought would come next; there were photos of herself and Jane. She never realised how happy she had looked next to the brunette.

"I am only here to do what is right for you Maura, that is all I have ever done."

Then Paddy took back the wallet and left the room, locking it behind him.

Maura went and laid on the bed and for the first time in her life, she was glad to have her father with her.

* * *

When Jane got back into the bullpen at BPD Cavanaugh came out of his office and quietly pulled her aside, asking her to come into his office to talk to him. She knew what this would be about. Everyone could see it. Jane looked dejected and empty. Her head hung low and there was nothing behind her eyes. Even detective Crow knew not to give her any of his usual snipes at this time, he simply walked past her, never making eye contact.

"Jane, Frost told me what happened today."

"Ok."

"Rizzoli you're way too close to this and I am worried about you. You're off this case and I want you to take some time off as well."

"What did you just say to me?"

Despite her face looking empty, she still retained the fire that was her signature.

"Come on Rizzoli, don't make this any harder than it has to be. This is for your own good."

"And what about her?! Who is gonna find her if you don't let me work?!" Her voice was rising and she stood up, slamming her hands on the lieutenant's desk.

He took a deep breath and stood slowly.

"I know that there is no other way to keep you away from here Jane but its what I have to do. I don't want you to ignore what I am about to say and I want you to know that it is my last resort."

He let a moment pass while she calmed down slightly and then he told her what he had been dreading for the past few hours.

"Give me your badge, detective."

She looked at him with betrayal in her eyes and a sinking feeling in her heart. The air in the small office suddenly became heavy. Despite the sunlight that was streaming in through the window there was a darkness that draped over everything that Jane ran her eyes over. Without moving her eyes from Cavanaugh's, she removed her badge from its place on her belt and she slammed it down on the table with such force as to cause the older man to flinch.

Without another word she turned and left his office, not speaking a word to anyone. When she was in the elevator she pressed the button for the lobby and she walked out of the BPD, stood on the steps and ran her hand along the cool metal of her gun that still remained in its holster. Jane was being pushed closer and closer to an edge she had never seen before and she could feel that this fight was coming closer to its conclusion. She would either find Maura or she would give everything up. Because a world without Maura Isles was not the place that Jane ever wished to be.

Jane went home and took off her suit, changing it for a pair of skinny jeans and a black V-neck tee. She pulled on some black boots and a leather jacket. Her gun remained at her side and before she left she pulled her sunglasses over her eyes and prepared herself for what she was about to do and for the potential consequences.

During their investigation they did not have enough evidence to be able to start a real search into Jack and his background. They had not been able to question his family or friends. But now Jane had had enough and she did not want to follow any more rules.

She scoffed at the size of Jack's parents house. She felt a moment of pain in her chest as she remembered the last time she had been at a house of this magnitude she had made Downton Abbey jokes for Maura.

She announced herself with the knocker on the door and waited with her hands behind her back. Jack's father answered the door and she noticed a moment of disappointment when he recognised who she was.

"Hello Mr Armstrong." She didn't ask if she could come in because she knew that she would be met with a less than tasteful answer.

"Detective."

"I am not in the mood for games Sir so I am just going to cut to the chase. Do you know where Jack is?"

"No."

"Have you been in contact with him recently?"

"No."

"Do you know where Maura is?" And as the name left her mouth her body stiffened and the slightest smile played across the older mans lips.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Under just about any other circumstances Jane would have become ravenous. But she didn't know enough to take that kind of risk. As much as she hated it, she would have to take whatever this man threw at her and keep her anger under control.

Jack's father allows Jane to enter his home, not wanting to seem as though he was hiding something. The older man would hold back everything he could from the detective, he enjoyed seeing her in pain. He always knew that there was something going on between herself and Maura, everyone could see it. But he never said anything to his son; no, he had a plan. He had never liked Jane, how she exuded this aura of justice and how she got away with stealing his son's wife without any reprimand from her own family; how easily she had done it. And so when she asked about the honey-blonde, he couldn't help but allow that sinister smile to escape onto his smug face.

Jane walked in and was immediately assaulted by the grandiosity of the room. These people lived like they were royals, and she bet that they lied just like them as well.

"I don't know anything detective so please make this brief and non-accusatory."

She noticed that he had called her detective, perhaps she had gotten lucky and he hadn't noticed her lack of a badge.

Jane had had to deal with men like this for her whole career. Those who thought themselves above the law, who got whatever they wanted and put their own price tag on everything.

"I don't intend to stay any longer than I have to, so as long as you answer all of my questions and I am satisfied with your answers, this won't have to be anything more than a simple conversation," she finished with a subtle hint of malice in her voice.

"Very well."

"To your knowledge did your son ever display any violent behaviour towards any individuals?"

"No."

Mr Armstrong didn't seem surprised at the question.

"Did your son ever communicate to you a plan or action to organise the current events involving Dr Maura Isles?"

"Which events, Detective?"

She almost snarled at his response.

"Her sudden departure from her life. The way that her house was left and with no information or even calls to those that she loved to let them know that she might be going away."

"And what exactly are you surmising from these "events", as you call them?"

"That she may have been taken against her wishes."

"A bold statement detective."

"But not unfounded."

"Perhaps."

He was playing with her and she knew it. She could see that there was something behind his eyes that he wasn't going to give to her. She would have to take it.

"In your opinion, does your son have the power or connections to orchestrate a kidnapping?"

And in that moment when the words left her lips and his mind made sense of them she saw a twitch in his face and some of his cool demeanour was lost.

"No."

"So you don't out-rightly deny the possibility that she may have been taken against her will?"

She had begun to see the small cracks of stress form on his face. He knew that her relaxed but yet somehow powerful manner was affecting him. He needed to bring the conversation back into his favour, bring the ball back into his side of the court.

"You don't even entertain the possibility that she simply got tired of you detective?"

"What did you say to me?"

"What makes you think that she didn't just leave you, that she got what she wanted and now she's done?"

Jane was done with his games. She took two steps towards him and he almost gasped when he saw the look in her eyes. With a strength that frightened him she grabbed him by the shirt collar and pushed him against the nearest wall, slightly lifting him off the ground.

"Don't you dare! If you ever say anything like that again you smug, repugnant bastard I swear to god only one of us will be leavening this room alive. You don't know me and so you have no idea the lengths that I will go to get her back. Your son feels that he is above the law and if that is where this needs to be fought, then so be it. I will bring him such a fight, he will crawl into the darkest corner and just as he is feeling the fear that has been forced on me for the last months I will make my face the last thing he ever sees."

The darkness in Jane's eyes and the truth to her words inspired such fear in the older man that he let go of his façade that had carried him through this conversation and let his body go limp. She noticed the change and put him back down on the ground.

She had frightened him and it gave her an intoxicating sense of power. She allowed her psyche to feed on it and fuel her resolve for what may come next.

"Tell me everything. Now."

It was done; he had lost.

"He has said some things over the last few months."

"What things?"

"There are forces working in this that are far bigger than you or me detective."

"Explain."

"Go and see Paddy Doyle."

"What does Paddy have to do with any of this?"

Without answering the older man turned around, made himself a drink and left the room. Jane could tell that he was done and even if she shot him in the leg he wouldn't talk. She wasn't happy with what he had given her but at least it was more than she came with. Hopefully he wouldn't decide to ring the BPD to make a complaint about her use of force.

The detective left without looking back and got into her car. She began to make her way back into the heart of Boston to where the Force had always known Paddy had his centre of operations but that they had never had enough evidence to legally search. But today, Jane was not in the mood to flirt with the law.

The back door of the building came off of its hinges with one swift kick of her leg.

She had her gun in her hand and took small, tentative steps into the building. It was an abandoned mechanic's garage. It seemed to be empty and all of the lights were off but Jane knew that there could be any number of Paddy's men anywhere in this building.

"Paddy you know why I'm here," she yelled. "Tell me where to find Maura. I know you know where she is. Come out of the dark old man!"

She found a switch and hoped that it was for the lights. As she flicked it upwards the building was illuminated but as quickly as it came, she was shrouded in darkness. A bag was pulled over her head and she was pulled down to the ground by what felt like four sets of hands. She could feel pain everywhere. Fists and boots were slamming into her body and she could feel herself weaken. After weeks of barely any sleep, only the food her mother made her eat on occasion and working herself to the bone, it only took a minute before Jane was limp on the floor and the beating went from punishment to senseless battery.

Eventually the men were called off and her body was dragged into a different room. A phone call was made.

* * *

"Maura?"

"What do you want?"

"Now, now baby that's no way to speak to your husband."

His response was finished with a swift slap to the side of Maura's face.

"That's enough Jack, that's still my daughter you're talking to."

"Oh come on Paddy you know that I –

A ringing noise and a soft vibrating sound cut off his speech. Paddy reached into his pocket and answered his phone, his eyes never leaving Jack. Maura simply waited, the sting of the slap still lingering on her cheek. Paddy never left the room and so she tried to listen to the conversation he was having.

"What did you just say? Rizzoli?" He whispered the name. He looked worried and Maura was immediately attentive to every detail of the moment.

"What? Are you talking about Jane? Where is she? Is she ok? Paddy!" The desperation could be heard in her voice.

"Don't do anything else. Because that's a BPD detective! What do you mean no badge?"

"She doesn't have her badge? Paddy what is going on?!"

Paddy said to the other individual on the phone that he would be there soon and without another word he left the room with Maura's questions still lingering on the air but now being topped with her screams for Jane and for answers. And just as Jack took a step towards her Paddy came back into the room and gave him a warning look. Maura's husband backed away from her and slammed the door on his way out, making sure to lock it behind him. Maura continued her screaming until tears and a deep sadness made it impossible. She ran out of air and eventually all she could do was lie down and wait.

* * *

Jane awoke with a stinging and deep pain all over her body. She tried to move to place herself in a sitting position. Eventually she made it, propping herself up against a wall. She could feel every place that she had been hit and she dreaded to know what her face looked like. She could barely open her left eye and she had no idea if she was even able to stand up straight. She had no idea how long it had been since she woke up when a door opened and a shaft of light raced into the room.

"Jane?"

"Paddy." Her voice was only a growl. "Where is she?"

"Let me take you out of here and I'll explain everything."

Jane was so tired and in so much pain that she found herself agreeing to the mob boss's terms.

Eventually Jane was brought out of her nap when she felt arms lift her out of the car. She tried to open her eyes and lift her head but she was far too weak. After weeks of hardly eating or sleeping her body was finally taking a stand against the abuse that she had dished out against it.

She was being carried up a driveway. Paddy reached for her keys and unlocked a door. She was confused as to where he had taken her; they hadn't ascended any stairs so she wasn't at her apartment. And they were definitely not anywhere near the BPD. But as they crossed the threshold of the door the familiar assaulted her.

She had been brought home, just not the one she was thinking of.

Paddy placed her on Maura's couch and Jane mumbled for him to get some towels so as not to stain the couch with blood. But he didn't pay attention to her, rather he was more concerned with taking care of her wounds and making sure she didn't bleed out.

Paddy stitched up her wounds, removing her clothes when he needed to. He placed ice on her eye and cheek, stacking pillows so that it would stay where it was needed. Gashes were stitched, her t-shirt was slowly put back on and a blanket was draped over the detective. Luckily Paddy always kept a first aid kit in his car; partly because he was prone to injuries but mostly because he felt it was something Maura would have gotten him to do had they been close.

The mob boss took a beer out of the fridge and sat on a couch facing Jane. She was asleep. He waited for an hour until he could be sure that she was in a deep enough sleep for him to leave unnoticed.

But as he stood and began to walk to the door the detective in the injured woman lying on the couch woke up.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

He simply looked down at the ground and laughed at himself wondering why he thought that he might just slip past her unnoticed. Nothing else ever had.

"You know that I'm not gonna take you with me."

"Oh yes you are old man. You are gonna take me to see Maura right now or so help me-"

"What? What exactly are you gonna do to me detective? You can barely stand."

"You think I've ever let that stop me?"

Before he could respond she was lifting herself up and out of the couch. It was slow and she was in extreme pain but just like she said, she had never let that stop her before. She knew that she was in desperate need of a hospital, painkillers and maybe even surgery but all of that would be for nought if she didn't have Maura to wake up to.

* * *

Maura's sleep was filled with images of Jane. She was hurt and screaming, screaming for Maura. The honey blonde woke up countless times reaching for the detective. When she saw the morning's first flicker of light she decided to give up on trying to rest anymore and began to figure a way out of this hell. She was prepared to wait for Paddy to somehow save her, she trusted him to get her out of this, but she had not seen him since he left after his phone call and she quickly lost hope.

Just as it was when she was a child she was left to fend for herself. But this time she had someone waiting for her, someone who she knew would fight to bring her home.

Her windows were boarded up from the outside but small spaces in between planks allowed her a tiny peak into the world outside. There was nothing distinguishing that she could see so that she might be able to pinpoint her location. But as soon as she began to try and piece things together doubt crept into her mind; the knowledge that no matter what she learned she would not be able to communicate it to anyone, she would not be able to save herself.

Never the less, Maura was not about to give up on herself and leave her fate to events that were not only uncertain in her mind but virtually non-existent. She couldn't be sure if the house was empty so she gathered the blanket and pillows on the bed and pushed them into the crack under the door so as to try and keep as much noise as possible from escaping to unwanted ears.

The doctor proceeded to pull the draw from the end table and emptied the contents onto her naked bed. She held onto the sides of the drawer and walked over to the window, standing in a position that she knew would give her the best chance of the strongest strike. With one foot planted firmly behind her and her hands strong on both the drawer and an idea of escape, Maura Isles swung wood into glass as hard as her courage and convictions would allow her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Paddy you are going to sit back down and tell me everything I need to know. Don't even try to talk me out of it or give me any reasons that will make me think you can handle all of this and bring her back to me. We both know that I will be the one to bring her home even if it kills me and if you're not gonna help then you're just in the way and the last few days have not fared well for people who have stood in between Maura and I. So sit down, and start talking."

The older man had always respected Jane and even more so now. She was truly in love with his daughter and she was prepared to fight her way through any hell that might bring Maura home. But he knew that he couldn't let her. He knew that it had to be him to face the fire so that Maura might have someone left in the world that would love her more than life like Jane did. He decided to give her the information she so as to lull her into security and then make his escape back to Maura.

"Ok Jane. I'll tell you. Jack's family and the mob have been involved with each other for years. I knew his grandfather and his great grandfather was involved with Patrick Sr. When we gave Maura up we never expected that anything would happen the way that it had. Constance and her husband were never involved with the Armstrong's until after Maura was theirs. And after she wasn't mine anymore I couldn't risk intervening. It wasn't safe. They couldn't know. But somewhere, someone put together the puzzle and it made its way down the Armstrong line to Jack's father. Being the snake that he is he always used Maura as leverage over me. And so I always obliged. Even when he said that Jack and Maura would be married. I tried to keep her as safe as I could in probably the most dangerous place she might have found herself. She had begun to live her life, she was finishing her degree, making friends and it felt wrong to rip her out of all of that. I thought that maybe Jack would be a better man than his father and for a long time I couldn't get any information from behind those closed doors. I always kept a track of her as best I could but when I went into hiding it made things very difficult."

He paused for a moment and Jane could see that he was struggling. He was normally so in control, so able to keep everyone in front of him and be ten steps ahead. But now everything had been turned upside down and he was trying to right it all again himself.

"Jack called me one day, I have no idea how that little shit got my number but he started talking about Maura straight away so I had to listen. He kept saying that she was in trouble, that she had started hanging out with someone who was getting her into things that she had no place in. this was just as the two of you had gotten together. I had no idea that he was talking about you and what he had planned and so I obliged him. I only learned after it was too late that I had made a mistake. I began to work out how I would save her and so got Jack exactly where I needed him in order to get her back. He thinks that he has devised this master plan to take her from you but I have planted all of these ideas in his head in the hope that his arrogance might cloud his judgement and let me end him."

"You knew about the two of us?"

"I've been looking out for her Jane, for her whole life. As soon as you met her and began to become a part of her life I had to make sure that you would be good for her. And then I realised that you were the person she needed, the person that could be around her and protect her when I couldn't. I know you love her and that she loves you. But this is something that I have to do myself. I can save her Jane and I can bring Jack down. And if I do this my way then everyone will be safe because the Armstrong's will never risk this kind of exposure and I can hold it all above their heads if ever they try and cross me again. I just need you to let me and trust me with her. I am fighting for the greater good Jane, just like you do but I have to do it in my own way."

"Maura is the greatest good."

"I know."

Paddy then reached into his pocket and pulled out the small pocket book of photos that he had shown Maura earlier. He handed it to the detective and she reached out with a small wince of pain. As she opened the book and saw the baby picture of Maura and the school photos that showed her as a young and hopeful child with light in her eyes her face softened and she let out that smile that was only reserved for the honey blonde. She whispered her name and flipped the page to the last photos. The two of them. They were walking arm in arm, Maura resting her head on Jane's shoulder. The photo was taken from behind them and Jane loved how it showed that their arms were intertwined but Maura's right hand was placed securely in the back pocket of the brunette's jeans. She could almost see the happiness that radiated off of them when they were together.

Tears stung the backs of her eyes as she handed the picture book back to Paddy. And as she brought her hand back to her lap and fingered the space where her badge might have normally rested, the magnitude of the events that had occurred and that would come to pass washed over her and tears began to slowly stream down her eyes, tears created only from sadness.

"It's all my fault. If I had stayed away from her and from him then she would be safe. I might as well have put her in danger myself Paddy. I went about it all wrong. I took her from her marriage but she always said that she never really was. She always said that marriage was born out of love. And I know that's true, I know it. I always believed that she was put in the world just for me. From the very first moment we met something happened to me, some hope came alive that the world was so much more than what I dealt with every day. She made it so that staying in bed all day became better than anything I might have ever hoped for. And I always told her that she never ruined anything with Jack, that he had ruined it first. She tried so hard. She only ever wanted to live, to have a life and he only ever worked to keep her from it. I always had myself convinced that I was what she needed, what was good for her, but look what's come of it, everything that's happened."

Her speech was muddled and lacked sense. She was out of order and it was like she didn't know how she really felt. Maura had always been the one to ground her and to centre her thoughts, but now, she didn't know which way was up or what to think. The older man could see it and he attempted to console her in a way that he had never been consoled. There were words that he had wished to hear when Hope had entered his life, instead of the berating that he had received from his father.

Jane prepared herself and waited for Paddy to begin.

* * *

The wood made contact with the glass and the pane cracked but remained strong. She waited for a minute to make sure that she could hear no footsteps or noises that signalled Jack's awareness as to something going on. When she could be as certain as possible that he had not heard anything, she once again slammed the drawer into the window. She could feel small splinters from the old wood digging into her hands.

After four slams into the glass she could tell that the next one would send the shards into the outside that she so longed for. And with the thought of freedom and Jane on her mind she gathered all the remaining strength that she had and sent the wood towards the broken glass one last time. The wood then began to move through the space that had just been created by the destruction of the glass and Maura watched as the world began to move in slow motion and small pieces of clear sharpness cut their way across her skin. The shards reflected late afternoon sunlight for a moment and then flew out and down into the world. What Maura never saw was the metal awning that hung a few metres below her window. Glass made contact with metal and rang out, destroying the silence that had been a permanent feature of this place.

And that was when she hears the loud thump of a chair downstairs and footsteps quickening in the pace up the flight of stairs. She quickly moved behind the door knowing that Jack would only be running on rage and so he would not be careful or even thinking ahead. This would be her chance to catch him by surprise and put herself in a position of power.

The sound of feet on floorboards began to get louder and Maura became more and more prepared. Her grip on the drawer was strong and her convictions were all behind her, making her brave and allowing her focus to become concentrated only on what she had to do to get out of here and nothing else. All that would have to come later, she didn't have the strength to think about all of the 'what if's'.

The old door was kicked in violently and Jack screamed her name, the anger leaking out of his words and coating the room in heaviness. He rushed in and just as his second step touched the floor, a brown blur came around and connected with the side of his head taking him completely by surprise. The force of the blow sent him straight to the ground and a gun flew out of his hand and into the far corner of the room. She was about to make her way for it but Jack moved his head and tried to roll himself onto his back. Her instincts took over and she slammed him one more time with the old drawer. It broke in her hands with the force of her attack. Jack stopped moving but was only knocked out. Blood was pouring down the side of his face.

She stood there a moment, looking down at him and she realised that this is what he felt. She was feeling the adrenalin rush through her system, the power and the strength. She knew what he felt every time he had stood over her, incited her with fear and belittled her. It felt like superiority and force. But it was dark. She looked down at the man on the floor and it only reminded her of what Jane had said to her in the past; how Jane had reminded her and made her believe that she was good and that, most importantly, she was loved, unconditionally.

" _You are_ nothing _like him."_

" _I don't…I don't know Jane, I was a weird kid."_

" _Were you killing small animals?"_

" _No, but I dissected a lot of frogs."_

" _No, that's different."_

" _I just, I started to think about things that I never really thought about before."_

" _Here it comes, there are bodies buried in your basement."_

" _I spent a lot of time alone. You know, I was adopted and my father was a professor and my mother she came from a wealthy family, I was an only child. I just realised something when I was reading about Hoyt that just never occurred to me before. There was a lot of benign neglect. Its not that they didn't love me, its just that I didn't ask for much, I don't think I really knew how. And the less that I would ask for, the less time that they had for me. They were just very involved in their own lives and into each other; they sent me to boarding school when I was 10. I actually think that I sent away for the brochure myself. They were delighted. Its just…I was really lost."_

 _And Jane reached forward and almost whispered 'Come here' and she took Maura's hands so gently, it was more intimate than anything that they could have done together._

" _No matter what happened to you, you are_ nothing _like that monster, ok? Yeah, you're a little antisocial maybe, a little goofy; that's…that's not the same thing. Man we're a pair."_

" _Thank you."_

She dropped the small shard of wood that had stayed in her hand and stepped over Jack to pick up the gun. Jane had taught her how to use them and so she removed the clip and put it in her back pocket. She held onto the gun and walked back over to Jack, crouching over him and reaching into his pockets trying to find the key to the room. She locked the door behind her and slowly made her way down the stairs.

* * *

"Maura is the greatest thing that I have ever done. She is so perfect. But Hope is and will always be my greatest gift. I imagine that you feel the same way about Maura. But don't give it up Jane because of how you feel about yourself. I had nothing to offer her, she was on her way to becoming a doctor and I had nothing to my name, just a future in a life of crime. But I think she saw past that, she saw the man that I so desperately wanted to be for her. Except I was a coward and I didn't love her as much as I could have. I could say that I sacrificed happiness but it's not true, I was a coward and gave it up. And my father told me that she didn't mean as much as I thought and eventually I would realise that she was just another girl. That never happened. If she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you Jane, you have to keep fighting. She loves you, I've seen it. And you might think that you have nothing to give her, nothing to offer, but all of the things that money might buy her she doesn't care for, she wants the things that money will never buy, like time with the woman that she loves. You should know by now that those things mean nothing to her and that you mean everything. Anyway, the point is, if I could go back and do it over again, do it the right way, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would change everything except for Maura and Hope, I would be better for them. You should do the same Jane, be better for her."

Jane was taken aback; she had never heard the older man speak with such emotion. She knew that he loved Maura but she had no idea how much regret, how many thoughts he harboured.

"Ok Paddy I think you know how this is gonna go. Whether you leave without me or try to evade me or something, you know that I'm gonna find my way to her. So right now, I don't care whether you wanna deal with this yourself, I am coming with you and we are gonna save her together. Don't think I won't do whatever it takes to get to her. So let's go."

Paddy watched as Jane struggled to stand and slowly make her way to the front door. He knew that there was no other way to get to Maura than to take Jane with him. Perhaps they would be able to devise a plan where Jane might stay out of the line of fire while Paddy dealt with Jack.

The older man walked out of the house and sat in the drivers seat, waiting for Jane to limp down the driveway and into the passenger seat. He knew the any help he offered her would be rejected and taken as an insult, as a doubting of her abilities.

Eventually she makes it into the car and he can see in her face how tired and hurt she is.

"So lets go."

* * *

Maura moved slowly carefully through the house, not knowing if anything or anyone awaited her. The sun was setting and it was beginning to get harder to see the finer details of things around her. She looked for a piece of mail or something that might be able to tell her where she was.

She saw some suitcases in the corner of the room. They were both filled with Jack's clothes. And then, as she was looking for some of her things, everything fell into place and she figured out the plan that her husband had concocted. He wouldn't need any of her things, and neither would she. He was planning to leave this house alone and leaving her here forever. That was why he called Paddy.

"That idiot."

Maura grabbed one of the jackets in the suitcase. She tucked the gun into her pants after replacing the and making sure to turn the safety on. There was a mobile phone on the table and after she turned it on and found that it didn't require a password she slipped it into her back pocket. She looked for something that might allow her to restrain Jack but she couldn't see what he had used on her previously and she didn't want to stay around to look.

She decided that leaving via a back door would be a better idea than taking the risk of being seen from the front and leaving herself vulnerable. When she was finally outside she couldn't help but take a moment to realise how much she had missed the sun on her skin and fresh air in her lungs. For weeks all she had known was shadows and musty air. In front of her was the outskirt of a forest and she could see the dirt road that led to the house.

Night was beginning to fall so Maura thought her best option would be to head into the woods and see if she couldn't camp out for a couple of hours until the darkness might completely cover her.

She found a small ditch in the ground that was covered by some felled trees, but still allowed her to be able to pay attention to those things around her. Just before she lay down to hide and, if she got lucky, sleep, she took the gun from her pants and turned the safety off. She put it next to her head and tried her very best to close her eyes and see Jane's face.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

As Maura was falling asleep on the ground Jane was doing the exact same thing beside Paddy on their way to the house. The pain that was running through her veins had subsided in the last few hours becoming more of a dull roar. When she was able to stop concentrating on everything around her and what she was planning to do, she tried to discern whether the pain the felt in her chest every time her heart beat was because of the beating she had received or because of the absence of Maura.

Her physical pain was evident to Paddy; it was her emotional pain that he found almost impossible to discern except when they were specifically speaking about Maura. Jane Rizzoli was like a high wall of self-preservation that had been built up over a lifetime of heartbreak and losses.

* * *

Jack began to stir awake in the bedroom upstairs and in the same moment a car pulled up with the headlights off and a woman was slowly waking from sleep in the woods.

Paddy decided that it would be better to park a ways away form the house just in case Jack was watching and happened to see Jane. Of course the detective implored him to just act normally, but he would not comply.

The car came to a stop with lights off and Jane could just see the house at the end of the lane. There was a moment of silence until Jane decided that she would fill it with something that had been eating away at her ever since she learned of Paddy's involvement with all of this.

"Paddy how could you let this happen? I have held my tongue for as long as I can but I just can't anymore. You let him take her away and then you just watched. Why the hell didn't you call me? You've called me for less than this."

"This was how it had to happen."

"Enough with the bullshit old man; tell me what you're hiding."

She could see the internal struggle develop in Paddy but just waited, her face expressionless.

"He got some information that would have put me away in a RICO case and he would have used it and he knew where I was hiding. I found the mole –

"You son of a bitch! You're covering your own ass! Do you even care about the woman in there?"

"Jane –

"No! You don't get to speak. Stay in this fucking car and don't you dare move or I will shoot you." Her voice was such a deep growl, with such intent and promise in her eyes that he stayed glued to his chair. No one had been able to instil such fear in him since his father.

She got out of the car and although they had discussed otherwise and he had planned all of this very differently, Paddy stayed in the car.

Slowly and carefully Jane crouched and made her way over to the house. She used the bushes around her for at least some cover and moved from cover to cover until she was about 100 metres from the house. Mentally she was taking notes about the possible layout of the building from what she could see of the outside and where she guessed Maura might be. She made her way to the back of the house, deciding that the front was too exposed to be safe.

Jane eventually ran out of cover the closer that she got to the house and so she had to sprint to put herself flush against the building and out of the way of any windows from where she might be seen. She tried not to make any noise when her body came into contact with the outside wall.

Inside, Jack heard a small sound and stood from his chair. He grabbed the gun that he had hidden in the bathroom, under the sink, and switched the safety off.

Just as Jack made his way out the front door, Jane had put her gun in its holster and kicked down the back door that Maura had locked on her way out.

Her gun was in her hand before the door hit the ground and she was ready for a fight, despite her injuries groaning against every movement. Jack was outside of the house but he still heard the commotion inside. He made his way back towards the front door and leant himself against the frame so that he could lean his head inside without Jane having any kind of clear shot at his body. He twisted the doorknob and let the door swing open.

Just as Jane was about to turn the corner, leaving her back to the front door, she noticed a movement and quickly but quietly moved herself to the staircase on the other side of the room. As she made this movement, Jack snuck a look inside the house and saw her dark hair as she got to cover behind a wall and immediately felt his anger rise in his throat. He bit back the need to shoot aimlessly into the house out of anger and instead moved his head out of the door and punched the wall. With his composure returned he set himself a plan in his head. However, Jane was used to working at a much faster pace than Jack and so as soon as she heard the bang outside she took her chance to run up the stairs. They led to a single door, which was open so Jane made her way inside. Once she was in the room and had assessed her surroundings she closed the door behind her and turned toward the window. Immediately she noticed the broken pane and the blood on the jagged edges. Her heart began to beat faster and she knew that it was Maura's blood. She couldn't help but rush over to the window and look out, preying and hoping that Maura's body wasn't at the bottom. She was met with only grass and broken glass. But she did notice what looked like footsteps leading to the forest. It was at this moment that she realised that Jack no longer had any control over this situation and for the most part he knew it.

As she was contemplating her next move she was forced into making a quick decision as the creak of floorboards made its way to her ears. She made her way over to the door and stood behind it, gun at the ready, waiting for Jack to open it so she could slam it back in his face. In a moment of genius, she picked up a pillow from the floor, that she assumed Maura had used to muffle the sound of glass breaking, and threw it out the window, hoping that it might make some kind of noise that will make Jack think she had left through the window. As the pillow hit the lower awning she heard some muffled words from the other side of the door and then it violently swung open. Just as she saw Jack with gun raised taking a step towards her, she kicked the door back towards him and it slammed him in the face sending him falling back down the stairs. Three gunshots rang out as he fell, his reflexes trying to save him from what had already been set into motion. Jane ducked when she heard the first shot but didn't bother to check herself when the shots stopped, instead deciding to take out her revenge on Jack as soon as possible.

Maura was alert and so the sounds of the gunshots drew her attention towards the house that had been her prison. The doctor's mind, not usually accustomed to throwing assumptions her way, simply whispered 'Jane' and the honey-blonde was running faster than she ever had towards the house.

Jack was at the bottom of the stairs and so was Jane, however, the detective had a considerable advantage over the man. She turned him onto his back, sat on his chest and pulled out her gun. As he came to, she smiled at him and it was most sinister. Feeling the surge of power as her heel had connected with the door and watching him fall down the stairs into a heap had filled her with a confidence that she would now translate into violence.

"What did you do you to her! Where is she!"

With each question Jane slammed the handle her gun across Jack's face. With each hit her anger grew, imagining all of the things that he might have done to Maura. Her anger grew to something that she had never felt before and as Jack's face became covered in blood and the gashes across his face grew, she began to lose herself.

And then the man beneath Jane began to laugh. His smile widened and the white of his teeth almost glowed through the red of his blood. She stopped in her questioning and her assault and was taken aback by this sudden, almost mad, change in demeanour. His laughter began to slow and Jane could see as his lips formed words that although he had lost the battle, he was going to try and win the war.

"I hope that you have this much fight left in you Jane when she leaves you because you are not enough. You can't give her the things that she needs, let alone the things that she wants. Your family has no history, your name has no importance and when you're dead and buried, history will gladly leave your un-extraordinary life from its pages. And so will Maura. She will leave you Jane, and when she does, you will end up even worse than me; because at least everything I did, I did to myself, but you have been so weak as to let someone else have the power to do this to you. I pity what will become of you when she's finished with it. And so should you."

Sunlight moved so slowly in between the man's words. The brunette was frozen in place; her anger had risen to such a degree that she had forgotten how to breathe. This man, this disgusting man, had seemingly spouted to her the remainder of her pathetic life as he saw it. She saw the malice in his voice turn his eyes a darker shade. She felt the gun in her hands and her index finger played with the trigger, all of the different parts of her screaming for the power to make a decision. Then the sun was interrupted. A figure walked into the room and brought a calm over the house. Jane returned to herself and dropped her gun. Her thoughts had become centred and her heartbeat was now at a regular pace, undeterred by adrenalin, anger or fear.

Maura had heard every word and seen every bit of anger from the moment Jane got on top of Jack. She had been standing in the doorway with a gun in her hand, waiting for her big brain to tell her what to do. And that was when she heard every word fall out of Jack's mouth and drape itself heavily over Jane and so did Paddy, standing in the door way, having decided that he would still attempt to accomplish what he had intended all along.

All at once chaos broke out. Maura said Jane's name and the brunette couldn't help but turn her head to a voice that she thought she may never hear again, Paddy said Maura's name and Jack screamed as he lunged from underneath Jane in her moment of distraction, found his gun on the floor behind him and pointed it directly at the detective's head. Before Jane had time to move two shots rang out and then everything went silent.

Maura dropped the gun from her hand, the barrel still hot from the shot she had just fired, and Paddy made his way over to Jack who had fallen backwards after two bullets entered his chest. After making sure that the younger man was dead, Paddy made sure to grab the gun that Maura had used and slip it into the back of his pants along with his own. He walked over to the two women, both still processing what had just happened, kissed Maura gently on the top of her head and made his way towards the front door of the house. He said something about taking care of the situation and for the two of them to make up a story as a cover when they got home.

Before he left he turned back and said, "Take good care of her", to neither one of the women in particular but perhaps he meant it for both of them.

The commotion settled and for the first time in what felt like longer than forever, Jane looked across a room and her deep brown eyes settled into the glowing hazel that she had come to know as home. The anger just left her body, her heart returned to the beat only Maura could lower it to, pain was only dull and her head was clear. Maura took silent steps towards Jane and the detective attempted to move herself towards the doctor, her injuries and fatigue severely slowing her down.

When they reached each other Maura's hands instinctively but gently moved towards Jane. The brunette's hands laid palm to palm on Maura's and as they moved closer their hands naturally slid along each other's forearms and then around each other's waists. Their foreheads came together and Maura could feel Jane whimpering softly, she could feel her detective on the verge of collapse. So she brought her hands to either side of Jane's face and gently cupped her cheeks, feeling that she had lost some weight and noticing just how tired she looked. When Jane's legs began to shake Maura grabbed her waist and led her over to the wall. Jane slid down until she was sitting and her head fell between her knees.

Maura moved to stand and walk around the house but Jane grabbed her wrists and said only her name followed by a whispered 'please'. So the doctor sat beside the battered detective and Jane's head fell into Maura's lap. The blonde's fingers naturally intertwined themselves in the thick brown curls that she had missed so dearly and tears began to fall down her face.

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Jane decided that they should leave in order to avoid getting into any more trouble than they had suffered already. Maura helped her up slowly and helped Jane outside and to the car. Both women looked out for Paddy but they decided that he had somehow organised for his own ass to be covered, should anything go wrong. And after the conversation Jane had had with him before she went into the house, she was more than sure that his plan of escape had been in place long before most of anything else that had happened today. Maura put Jane in the passenger seat and reached over the detective to pull her seat belt over and buckle it. Just as she was about to move herself out of the car to go to the other side, Jane grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled their lips together. She moaned into the kiss and Maura had to support herself on the frame of the door to keep from falling into Jane's lap. As they pulled away from each other Maura could see the beginnings of a smile creep into the corners of Jane's mouth. Jane opened her eyes and looked deep into Maura's and it was almost as though she was surprised to see Maura so close to her; that having her taken away for so long had forced her to think that perhaps she may not be coming back.

Maura's brow crinkled like usual when she was looking at something that she didn't understand but then Jane's face changed to something of love and home and Maura began to understand what she was doing. It was the same feeling that the doctor had when Jane had walked off of the boat wrapped in a blanket after she had jumped off a bridge and into the Boston Harbour in order to save Paul. She was convincing herself that Maura was real and that the skin she was touching belonged to Maura and that her mind wasn't trying to trick her into believing what she needed to stay alive.

And in that moment, Maura looked into Jane's eyes, saw her soul and felt her exhale a deep breath that she had been holding in for months.

* * *

Although the two would have liked to have 24 hours to spend some time together and discuss a plan, Jane knew that if she didn't call this in then she would be in even more of a shit storm than was already guaranteed.

There was little talk in the car on the way to the hospital. Jane implored Maura to let her go home, that she was not in bad a shape as she looked, but the doctor refused and threatened to poke Jane in her bruises if she didn't comply. After that discussion was finished the drive was silent and the only movement from either woman was Jane placing her hand on Maura's left knee, and the doctor bringing her left hand off of the steering wheel and on top of Jane's. Fingers intertwined just as they used to and Jane continued to convince herself that nothing had been lost.

After being admitted into Emergency Maura followed Jan to all of her examinations and tests, using her Dr status to get her into basically wherever she wanted, but really she was not willing to let Jane out of her sight. When they were left alone in the exam rooms when doctors had to retrieve test results Jane and Maura naturally moved closer together.

Eventually all the tests were completed and Jane was prepped for surgery to repair the internal damage that had been done from the beating that she had received. There was some minor internal bleeding and fractures to her arms that would have to be left to naturally heal on their own. She was told repeatedly that doctors were surprised that more damage wasn't done and by the fact that she had been able to even walk so soon after the event. Every time this was said, Jane looked at Maura as though giving the world her answer, that it was only Maura that kept her going.

Although the medical examiner tried she was not allowed entry into Jane's operating theatre and only after a conversation with the detective did she relent and submit to stay in the waiting area. She took the opportunity to call Cavanaugh with the hospital's phone and being to explain to him everything that had happened. He did not sound pleased in the slightest, however, he did say that he was glad that Maura was ok and that she and Jane had their places in the BPD waiting for them when they were ready.

When she mentioned Paddy's presence and how everything had ended the lieutenant told her that he would handle the investigation himself and that he would need both Jane and Maura to come to the precinct and make formal statements as soon as possible. Maura held back no details, despite knowing that Jane may have planned it a little less differently, because she knew that what she wanted was to do the right thing above all, even if that meant giving up her biological father.

Once Jane was out of surgery Maura was immediately at her side and monitoring every aspect of recovery. Every time Jane's nurse came in to check her chart and he vitals Maura was ready with every stat. This only needed to happen twice before the nurse, Jamie, asked Maura if she would like to fill in Jane's chart and be the one who was basically in charge of all of the simpler aspects of Jane's hospital stay. Of course the honey-blonde accepted and was extremely gracious towards the young nurse.

Jane came out of her drug-induced sleep slowly and was brought comfort when a blur of honey-blonde came across her face. Even before she was able to focus she tried saying Maura's name but was shushed by her lover in order to have a sip of water first. A soft hand almost wove its way around and up Jane's right arm, settling her heartbeat and also her thoughts.

Maura gave Jane ample time to properly wake up before she told Jane about her conversation with Cavanaugh. Of course there was an onslaught of questions but eventually Jane relaxed and trusted that she would be able to work this out.

After the formal conversation was done with, Maura sat herself on the bed beside Jane and absentmindedly began to play with Jane's curls that seemed slightly limp compared to the last time she had had them between her fingers. Tears began to roll down her cheeks and Jane pulled her down so that she was safely encased in the detective's arms. Her sobbing became heavy and laced with the torture that she had suffered these last months. Jane ran her fingers through Maura's hair and brushed her lips over her forehead hoping to bring her some calm. Eventually Maura fell asleep and Jane negotiated with Jamie to let her stay the night past visiting hours because it was necessary for her recovery. The door was closed, and for a few hours Jane was able to remain more blissful and relaxed than she had felt in months.


End file.
